I'm tired
and your eyes are laughing
but this is really not a joke anymore.
i've thought
maybe you misunderstood
more likely
you've become too familiar with the outside
that you've forgotten to peek in
most likely
you just didn't bother
before i met you
 i lived inside my head
but now i see how frustrating it is when a person can barely meet your gaze
without wandering along the way
and can do nothing but listen with patience
never interest
my eyelids are heavier than they should be
the search is futile
in your eyes i see nothing more than my reflection
i'm done
looking for myself tonight.

im challenging myself to a poem a day

i wonder sometimes how it came to be that we are the same age yet in my mind you tower above me. it can't be your wisdom. maybe i am jealous that you appear to actually have a history. i dont. nobody understands why i distance myself from what could make me feel your words. i despise doing what people ask of me. i've been told multiple times to stand up for myself, but how can i? what can i do besides get up and fight? even that wouldn't solve anything. and even then, i wouldn't really understand what i was fighting for. the most logical explanation would be that i am fighting for my ancestors. but i am not. so i can't fight. even at this very moment i feel as if i'm wasting my time. you shouldn't be able to affect me. you dont. deep down inside i do hurt, but barely. i hurt because this is not how it was supposed to be. it's my own fault for having the inability to conceal my infinite tolerance. you look at me as if you know me.sometimes i wish you did. you are not a fool for becoming so jaded in your view of me.but you are a fool for becoming so ignorant. i never told you anything. all i ever did was listen and laugh. and yet i still remember a time when i didn't hate you. you had never even spoken to me.i hadn't yet witnessed your stupid smiles. i think i genuinely liked you.

i've wondered before/ how it came to be that men are the fickle minded executives over all that is beautiful

i'm gonna tell you how i feel instead of leading you to believe i don't feel anything.

Sometimes I feel like a robot
 with what to say and who to be
programmed into me
no feelings
that i can identify
i am a zombie
i've been walking dead in your shadow for centuries
i am what i consume
it's pretty easy
considering the world around me
know more about me than i do
sometmes i feel trapped/ behind a girl who looks just like me
who is trying her hardest to be me/ or who others have percieved me to be
and it is said by some
that i'm lacking in personality
because sometime i don't feel like acting like i still know how to enjoy anybody's company without the familiar pressure
i work day and nite to escape
creeping up on my bones
lowering my head
folding my arms
protecting my vocal chords
from attempting to play joker again
or pretending like it's just an awkward moment
when my inner silence is in all  truth
deafening
i'm not as souless as you make me out to be
i breathe
i get angry
i apologize.