i wonder sometimes how it came to be that we are the same age yet in my mind you tower above me. it can't be your wisdom. maybe i am jealous that you appear to actually have a history. i dont. nobody understands why i distance myself from what could make me feel your words. i despise doing what people ask of me. i've been told multiple times to stand up for myself, but how can i? what can i do besides get up and fight? even that wouldn't solve anything. and even then, i wouldn't really understand what i was fighting for. the most logical explanation would be that i am fighting for my ancestors. but i am not. so i can't fight. even at this very moment i feel as if i'm wasting my time. you shouldn't be able to affect me. you dont. deep down inside i do hurt, but barely. i hurt because this is not how it was supposed to be. it's my own fault for having the inability to conceal my infinite tolerance. you look at me as if you know me.sometimes i wish you did. you are not a fool for becoming so jaded in your view of me.but you are a fool for becoming so ignorant. i never told you anything. all i ever did was listen and laugh. and yet i still remember a time when i didn't hate you. you had never even spoken to me.i hadn't yet witnessed your stupid smiles. i think i genuinely liked you.